This is going to be something of a brain dump; I have a few thoughts bubbling about in my head and may not be able to link them all convincingly, if they seems disjointed...you have at least been warned.
It has been quite a long time. Recently I have wanted to commit something to paper about how things have developed and changed over the past 2 years. I originally slunk off out of blogging because I wanted to try something out – an experiment I guess. Well the results are in.
I always skirted the borderline between atheism and belief; I was always concerned I was deluding myself and what I believed is nonsense and I a fool for believing it. As a scientist this was a bit of an oxymoron in my life. I have come back at things from the other direction this time; I have always been actively looking for belief, or more accurately the ‘right’ vessel within which to hold my belief or have it stored safely.
My core theological belief still stands; the gods are born from the landscape and our interaction with it. I cant say whether or in what form they exist without us, but when we have an interaction they become who and what we perceive them to be. What has changed is in what form I interact with them in the form of personal practice. I have in the past had a regular devotional works, I stopped that 18 months ago I think it was. I think it is unnecessary at the moment, especially as I live in a house in South London, if I lived out in the countryside with a more regular and closer contact with the landscape I think devotional work would flow from that.
Horses are still significant to me.
I have been dreaming about gods lately; the dream the other day was about 'summoning' objects that were needed and able finding/being given (I cant recall where it came from) a horse headed knife – the exact one is available at Bronze Age Foundry, there were also burial mounds and offerings of all kinds left at their portals. I was dressed or there was someone else there dressed in a tatter cape. With all the summoning a large black dragon creature appeared, formed of black smoke. I woke up just after this. The second dream was last night; I cant recall much but there was a degree of peril, me having supernatural abilities and the need to call the gods, or at least an acknowledgement they were needed or were at least not around at that point. It is all a little vague really, but as I rarely have dreams that have a spiritual element like this – though super human powers are very common – it stands out as significant.